10. Don’t use sex as a weapon.
If he’s being a jerk, give him the cold shoulder– don’t see him or talk to him for a bit, until he apologizes. But don’t hang with him and deny him sex. It won’t give you any power.
9. Don’t get too clingy after sex. (Very difficult I know)
Definitely let loose while you’re having sex, but the next morning get up early and start your day as normal. Take a shower, make some coffee, push him out the door. He will love this!
8. Don’t use sex as a tool.
It never works. If you feel him pulling back, trying to make up his mind about calling you or moving the relationship forward, DO NOT call him and meet up with him for a date and have sex, to try to win him over. This might work for a month or so, but really he is just using you at this point. And you’ve changed in his eyes from a woman with composure and self-respect, i.e. wife material, to just a sex buddy. Yeah, ouch.
7. Always use condoms until you are married.
Always. This will give him incentive. 🙂
6. Always use birth control, until you’re married and have decided to have kids together.
5. Never go to his place to have sex.
After a date, make him drop you off at your place. Then if you want to invite him in, OK. 🙂
4. Don’t try to “be good” at sex.
Stay in the moment and enjoy yourself. Let him do the work to please you. Be responsive, because by this time you are in love. Don’t have sex just to have sex, if you are looking for a great husband.
3. Never accept a booty call, (or make one) 🙂 no matter how horny you are.
He may be drunk after a night out with his buddies. If you see that it is him calling, just reject the call. Ignore all texts. In a way, he may be testing to see what kind of girl you are. Show him that you are not one to be messed with. Never bring it up to him the next day. Don’t say a word.
2. To feel the most secure, wait until he tells you that he does not want to see anyone else, and he is taking you out every Saturday night (without skipping)for at least a month before you have sex.
It sounds impossible, but it isn’t. This way you’re almost certain that he is only after you. Also, listen to your gut feeling about it.
1. Pace the sex.
Don’t sleep with him more than three times a week until you’re married, because then it’s too much like he’s already married and he may get too comfortable and take forever to propose. And don’t go away with him for more than 2 days until you are married. He’ll love all the sex and closeness, and then freak out and pull back and be ” really busy at work” or “need some space”. His reaction could really hurt you or infuriate you, which is not fun or a position of comfort or power.
11. Do enjoy yourself. 😉
Wait as long as you can to have sex. That goes for the age that you start and how soon you start with a guy who likes you.
You don’t have to wait specifically until he says “I love you” because some guys will say that just to get you to have sex, even if they don’t know that they are doing this.
Wait until you see that he is really after you and only you. That means he calls you early in the week and asks to take you out for Saturday night, at least for two months, but three is better. Does this seem ridiculously old-fashioned? It is ! But it keeps your heart protected and saves you from drama.
If he’s not asking you for Saturday night, what is he doing that night? Is he out with the guys? Just wait until he is asking you out for Saturday nights, every week, for a few months* (Unless he works Saturday nights, like a musician or an EMT guy.)
BUT, if you’ve already started having sex with him, don’t try to get some control over the relationship by stopping the sex. This never works. What you do is :
1) When he calls you, answer, but only once every other day. Not every day, it’s too wifey. And get off the phone at 10 minutes. If you hear him winding up the call before that, nicely but quickly end the call first (This seems silly, but it works to not make you feel vulnerable.)
If he leaves a message, wait 24 hours to call him back. Stop texting him. If you’re young, tell him your mom said she will take the phone away if you text with guys. If you’re out of school, tell him you can’t text at work. (See more at Texting page) 🙂
2) Starting today, just say that you’ve “already made plans” or that you’re “going to be busy” if he asks to see you on Sunday-Friday nights. And don’t tell him what those plans are. And don’t meet up with him during the day. If he really likes you, he’ll just naturally ask you for Saturday. If he doesn’t, he was never really super interested.
You have to be a good actress to pull this off. You have to act like you were born this way, that everyone has always treated you very respectfully and very kindly, and that of course you would never just go out with someone the next day, or on short notice. You make plans and keep them, you’re busy. It’s OK if you have to act this way, because this is how you get people to respect you. It’s a “game” but it’s not a head game, it’s serious. Being treated with respect is a serious matter right? Even if you’re just a goofy, happy go lucky girl.
(Side note: I hated this because I hate making plans. I love doing things on the spur of the moment, it seems so exciting. But this is about finding out his level of interest. People only make plans if they have a really good reason to: if ADELE is only going to be in your city once this year, you are going to make a plan to go see her, because it’s really important to you. So, you want to see how important you are to him, you have to know: is he willing to make a plan to see me? You have to know this, to be happy in the long run. And you have to do this with all guys.)
Then after he takes you out like three times on Saturdays, you can go out with him one or two other times a week, but he always has to ask you days in advance. He’ll just figure it out that he has to ask you ahead of time to see you. If he is used to just calling and coming over, or dropping by unannounced, or if he is used to you going to see him, will this be a huge change? Yes, it will. It will be tough in the beginning, but it gets easier with practice.
—OK, at this point you’re going “WTF? How can I just change everything I’m doing overnight? Won’t he know something is going on?”
Yeah, he will feel a change, and he will pressure you to know what is going on but you have to stay cool and just act like you don’t know who that person was that used to be you. 🙂 And, you have to be NICE about it. You can’t get all angry at him because you unknowingly gave him license to run all over you. Now you know how to turn things around, so do it. It’s going to be really hard, but you can do it!
3. At this point you might say to yourself “Damn, I’m doing all this work, but I don’t know if this guy is worth all this energy I am putting into being with him… “. You might have started having sex with him, and have gotten addicted to him, when you don’t know if you really like him, or love him. But you feel like you can’t break up with him.
This is really the crux of the matter. By working really hard to see if a guy really likes you, you also start to ask yourself why or if you really like him. Maybe you do like him, but you’re just mad that he treats you casually or badly (calling at the last minute always, to see you; canceling plans that he made with you; having sex with you and then not calling for three days, etc. )
But maybe not. Maybe he was just a guy you started hanging with and then started having sex with, and suddenly you got addicted, but something doesn’t feel right about the whole thing.
If he’s definitely not the guy you always dreamed about marrying, the best thing is to break up with him and start doing things way differently with a new guy, or dating several guys (without sex) until one that you really like asks you to be exclusive, which means he asks you not to go out with other guys, and says he doesn’t want to go out with anybody but you.
If you really feel in your gut that the guy you are having sex with is not “the one” definitely break things off quickly and start over. This time, by not jumping into sex until you know that you REALLY like him, and that he is after you and ONLY you, you won’t be wasting your time!
* If you have strong religious or moral beliefs or laws about not having sex before marriage, you should follow those beliefs or laws before everything else. Above anything, you want to have self-respect. You have to feel that you are doing the right thing. Even if you are not religious, and live in a Western country, if you want to wait until marriage, then definitely do that! You may find that men will pressure you, or leave if you won’t have sex, but eventually, you will meet the man who is right for you. 🙂
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