There are a lot of famous people out there.
They’re not STARS though.
A star is both LOVED and FEARED at the same
time. That’s because they are so cool and
inspirational that they are loved, and yet
their POWER to affect people in their own
way is so massive, it even stirs FEAR.
If Superman were to exist for real, you
can be sure people would love him and
also fear him.
There IS a thing that is REAL though,
that exists very much in your grasp,
that makes you stand out from other guys,
that compensates for ANY lacking you might
think you have, and that absolutely DOES
draw women to you, and it does it FAST.
This thing is called CHARISMA.
Lots of people out there who say they can
teach it, but then when it comes right down
to it, they give you get the same old thing-
some of them specialize in pick up lines,
others just lots of talk about confidence, etc.
But then the moment of truth comes-
the girl of your dreams is right in
front of you:
Now what?!
Suddenly, all that advice feels far
away, hard to translate into reality.
How the heck do we really UNLEASH charisma?
By REMOVING our own BARRIERS to it.
So let’s DETONATE this volatile force
called CHARISMA.
Charisma is often a double-edged sword,
because in real life, charismatic people are
usually both LOVED and they are also HATED.
The most famous and powerful people you
know are all loved and hated, guaranteed.
If you are a nice NOBODY, then you
will not be disliked by ANYBODY.
The MOMENT you start to succeed at
ANYTHING, you will notice that some
people like you and others are jealous,
or spiteful, or they fear you for being
different, etc, etc, etc.
Have you noticed that?
If you improve your body at the gym,
some people will want to congratulate
you, learn from you, other people you
know might make fun of you for being
a muscle-head, or they might even try
to tell you how unhealthy it is to
exercise!
If you improve yourself in any way,
including the action of approaching women,
you will notice some people love this
and others will dislike you for this.
And therein lies the contradiction that is
the KEY to charisma.
Charisma is born when you FREE YOURSELF
to truly EXPRESS WHO YOU ARE.
And that means accepting the fallout of this.
Most people are afraid of criticism, afraid of
failure, afraid of rejection.
Hey, it’s human.
However, there is something far WORSE to
fear- and that is a life of you not being YOU.
That’s like not living at all, but most people
don’t think about this.
Instead, they try their damn hardest to FIT IN.
And fitting in means not being made FUN OF.
Now, if you make sure to never do anything
to made fun of, you will succeed in this, and
always be SAFE.
You’ll wear the normal jeans everyone is wearing.
You’ll take up the hobbies that are normal.
You’ll have normal friends.
You’ll say the normal things.
You’ll spend your time thinking about normal things.
If anyone seems STRANGE, you’ll push them
away lest you be associated with a possible
weirdo.
You’ll find out what’s popular in music,
what’s popular and normal everywhere,
and get a normal job, etc.
You’re safe from being labeled as the weirdo.
The thing is, there is a very FINE line between
being the COOLEST guy around and being
a supposed “weirdo”.
The coolest people usually are considered weird
by a LOT of people, on the surface anyway, but
deep down these same people often actually WISH
they could be like this person, and of course everyone
else ADMIRES this person and gets inspired by
this person.
Now, if think about some of the coolest people that
come to mind, you’ll find that they defy the normal
rules but they are so cool that for some reasons it’s
“okay” for them to do this.
And the thing is, they never ASKED for this
permission, and nobody ever really GAVE
it to them either! They just DID it, and
eventually people accepted and admired!
Have you ever seen the show “American Idol”?
Unknown singers from across the country
compete to win a recording contract.
Most of the singers want to WIN so badly,
they LOSE for an ironic reason:
It’s because they try so hard to be
what they think everyone else WANTS!
A little while ago, a singer named Chris Daughtry
was REJECTED by Simon Cowell, who is the
most outspoken judge on American Idol.
Simon thought Daughtry “lacked charisma”.
Did Daughtry change up his method?
Change his style?
NOPE.
So when one of the biggest names and most influential
people in the music biz told him he did NOT think
he had talent, Daughtry just IMMERSED HIMSELF
in being EVEN MORE HIMSELF.
And even though he may have lost the show, he won
in the real world- record sales and concerts, selling
millions of records. And his first hit song was all
about being true to himself and his roots- “HOME”:
And last year was an even more extreme example
of someone who DEFIED the temptation to fit in,
in just about every way you can imagine possible-
and he wasn’t doing it to piss anyone off, he was
just being HIMSELF in every way:
Adam Lambert TOTALLY defied criticism
from Simon, who said he was “too theatrical”
and “not current” with what is popular, and
what did Adam do?
He POURED on MORE theatrics- from his
presentation to the way he dressed and of
course the style in which he sang.
Now, I totally know he is not straight, but
the fact is he is a fantastic example of
being fearless in being yourself and
letting that be expressed in a cool way.
He truly cared more about expressing
HIS style of performing music, rather
than just WINNING. And that is
actually the ironic truth about
winning, you often win the most
when you are passionate about
the thing itself and not just about
the winning that comes from being
great at that thing.
This fearless attitude in expression
took his performances on the show
THROUGH THE ROOF- it’s not just his
voice, you could tell he was drawing on
his own pain, his own history, his own
perspectives, and it came through in
everything he was doing. If this guy
was straight, he’d have more girls than
a thousand harems could hold.
It’s extremely rare that an artist can do a
cover from an already famous song
and truly do it justice and give it his
own spin that feels authentic.
He was FEARLESS in being himself.
That makes a man very powerful and dangerous
in a GOOD way- because it gives you the confidence
to really LET YOU RELEASE YOUR PERSONALITY
IN FULL FORCE, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER.
People say ‘be yourself’ but it’s NOT EASY.
Most people who say it are not even doing it themselves.
When you really BECOME yourself, as ironic
and weird as that sounds, you become something
EXTRAORDINARY, and this is the charisma
that exudes from your every pore when this happens.
It shows in everything you do, even the subtle
expression on your face.
So, the FIRST way to apply this when it comes
to your interactions with women and when it
comes to “approaching a woman” is this:
1. ASK YOURSELF IF YOU ARE INTERESTED,
AND IF THE ANSWER IS YES, ACCEPT ALL
CONSEQUENCES.
So if you see a woman you’d like to approach,
and you don’t see a wedding ring or something
like that, then just ask yourself- are you attracted?
If you ARE, then ACCEPT all the consequences
that you FEAR might happen.
ACCEPT them all, because the alternative is WORSE.
So whether you think you’ll be arrested for
talking to her (you won’t but you might still
fear that you will- accept it and move ahead),
whether you fear that she will make fun of you,
whether you fear that everyone else is looking,
ACCEPT IT ALL, because there is one thing
that matters MORE than all that- and that is
you being YOURSELF.
If you don’t go up to her, you are actually
DENYING your own IDENTITY.
See, the way I look at it, it’s not about
WINNING THE GIRL, it’s about
BEING ME.
And THAT is the irony, because the more
it’s about you doing your thing and NOT
seeking approval, the BETTER
she will like you, because you will not be
trying to impress her, you will not be trying
to be somebody else, you will not do the
same old thing that everyone else is doing.
And you will be more genuine and authentic.
STEP TWO: MOVE AHEAD
The second step is CONTINUING to talk
to her in a way that is consistent with your
values, perspectives, sense of humor, etc.
So for example, if you are at the gym
and you see a woman you want to chat to,
you can just go over to her and say ‘Hey
instead of staring at you a thousand times,
I figured I’d just come over and say hi”
and from there you can talk about
working out, you can ask her about her
workout, the main thing is keep it AUTHENTIC.
You can even say that you don’t have
time to chat much since you have to
get back to your workout.
In your brain, the moment you ACCEPT
all the potential NEGATIVE FALLOUT
of you being yourself, is the moment you
are FREE to really EXPRESS YOUR
AUTHENTIC IDENTITY- you will then
start to say the right things, do the right
things, you’ll be funnier, more charming,
more dominant, in an authentic way she
can feel a million times more than
she would from a guy trying his luck with
some pick up lines or other equally
false approaches.
Forget all this talk about “winning”, instead
let everyone ELSE worry about trying to fit
into YOUR paradigm of the world rather than
the other way around.
This is why it’s so important that you HAVE
a point of view.
I’m not talking about ignorant opinions, but
rather informed, educated, passionate thoughts
about things.
THIS is contagious, this is cool, this is
what wakes her UP and is like a breath
of fresh air in a world of boring CLONES.
Don’t be afraid to ROCK THE BOAT, but
don’t rock the boat JUST FOR THE SAKE
of rocking the boat. That looks “try hard”
and it in fact IS “try-hard” because it’s not
authentic.
A woman will be able to tell rather quickly
when a guy is not being authentic, because
any time you FAKE something, that thing
you are doing actually requires many other
things for it to seem REAL, so for example
if a guy tries to act like he’s a martial arts
master when he isn’t, he’ll end up doing
something that just doesn’t “vibe”- i.e.
he might be acting all macho when in
fact most martial arts masters don’t act
that way at all, BECAUSE they are
so secure.
The thing is to EMBRACE who you are
and to EMBRACE whatever it is you want
to learn and do, and not fear it.
This includes approaching and chatting to
a woman you’re interested in!
THREE: COMMIT TO IT FULLY
Again, if you REALLY believe in yourself, then
you don’t suddenly SOFTEN UP on being your
HARD CORE SELF just because she starts to
LIKE you.
This often happens when a guy starts to learn
about being successful with women, and then
he starts to show his confidence, and charisma
and he really BECOMES the “man” as I say,
but then at the very moment it starts to WORK,
and the woman starts to show interest in him,
he is SO HAPPY he is GETTING somewhere
with her that he is now TERRIFIED OF LOSING
HER.
So what does he do?
He gives UP all this cool stuff about him, he gives
UP his conviction in himself and his identity, and
now he starts to become a kiss-ass.
And you already know I don’t advocate being
a jerk at all, I actually think being a good guy
is where it’s at, but this good guy must come
from CONVICTION in himself, not from kiss ass!!!!!!
By the way, the very SAME thing happens
sometimes to STARS, whether they’re actors
or singers, or rock stars, etc. They start to
get famous, and they get huge deals and the
companies promoting them or the studios now
want to ENSURE success, so they STOP
taking chances and only pursue ‘safe’ type
music and movies for the masses.
This kind of thing happened to Stallone, to Eddie Murphy,
and several other stars, where the ORIGINAL QUALITY
about themselves that made them SUPERSTARS got faded
as they strayed from their identities- Stallone was never
supposed to just be some “action star” – he was a genius
who wrote ROCKY that won best picture.
Eddie Murphy was a raw, cutting edge comedian, he wasn’t
just doing kids flicks and remakes of famous movies for
Disney. When Stallone finally went back to his roots, he
started to slowly regain his identity as an actor.
Don’t allow yourself to stray from who
you really ARE, not even for the most
attractive woman on the planet.
The irony of course is that trying that hard to “please”
a woman will only push her away because it was
the REAL you she was attracted to, not the you
that was seeking to remake yourself in her image!
If you have a wild sense of humor, don’t
HIDE it from her, instead SHOW IT.
A lot of guys who are actually very
cool people suddenly CHANGE in front of
women and they become different entirely-
and it’s a shame because actually women
DO want the real you, but most guys never
show the real them, only the weak version
of themselves, and they show the same boring
version of a guy that every OTHER guy is showing,
and every other guy is doing this for the same
reason- to fit in, to not be made fun of, to be cool.
It’s very ironic, but the more you try to be
someone, the worse it will be. This doesn’t
mean you can’t change and evolve and
grow as a person with time, in fact that
kind of change is good, because it comes
from YOU.
FOUR: REMOVE PRESSURE
The other great thing about you truly
committing to who you really are
and embracing all the crazy possibilities
that your imagination fears will happen
from being yourself – is that the woman
can SEE you are not “chasing” her,
you are not being mean, but you are not
chasing her either, which means she
can RELAX and make the decision
of whether she wants to talk to you
on her own.
And as every great salesman knows, the
best sales are NOT THE “HARD SELL”
but rather the sell that comes from the
customer herself wanting and making
the decision – and the irony is that
by not chasing her, she now must face
the possibility of LOSS.
This is not a tactic to manipulate her, it’s
the TRUTH, she may very WELL lose you if she
doesn’t do something here as well- she knows
she can’t just let it be ALL you, because you
aren’t willing to go THAT FAR, i.e. you are
not willing to keep on chasing approval from
someone who doesn’t already appreciate you.
When you try too hard to be what SHE wants,
you actually push her away, because she can
sense this decision is not something you want
HER to make, and she feels the pressure
she might have to do something she doesn’t
WANT to do.
But when you simply go nuts on being YOURSELF,
you not only do a better job making a cool impression
but you also allow her to create her OWN pressure
on herself to want you, as opposed to running from
YOUR pressure.
The best way to remove resistance is to create
no FORCE. Instead, let your force flow from
you being YOU- not the you that kisses up,
but the you that you would be with women
if you were willing to ACCEPT even the WORST
FEARS you had about you being yourself.
Again, the rock star comparison, think about
how totally UNCOOL it would be if
Guns’nRoses had been sitting around all
day doing press conferences and trying
to figure out what would sell and what
everyone wanted to hear! Imagine Axl Rose
doing “market research”.
The “market” whether it’s music lovers or
WOMEN LOOKING FOR MEN, they ALWAYS
want SOMETHING COMPELLING AND
UNIQUE.
How much do you believe in yourself if
what you do is based on a survey seeking
her approval?
Now, when you DO GENUINELY want
to give a compliment to a woman and it’s
not because you need her to give you
something BACK, then it’s perfectly
fine, when it’s not coming from worshipping
her or with a need to get something back.
FIVE: MIX IT ALL WITH PASSION/LOVE
This is VERY DIFFERENT from having this
submissive smile that comes really from fear and
the need to seek approval.
They say “love conquers all” but it’s misunderstood.
It’s not just about relationships, it’s about LOVE
in all its forms, including SELF-LOVE.
Let the LOVE flow ENDLESSLY, for yourself,
for your IDENTITY, FOR WHO YOU ARE,
for the things you love, and YES, for the
woman as well!
When you do things you LOVE, your entire
body language changes.
So for example, if you have a wacky sense of
humor, but are afraid women won’t get it,
TRY IT ANYWAY on them!
If you have some passionate love for something
that you fear others will find “weird”, who cares
if some might find it weird???? It’s who you
ARE, and chances are if you really are passionate
about it, you will SPARK that passion in women
as well at the very least to the point of them finding
you INTRIGUING AND DIFFERENT.
SIX: LARGER THAN LIFE
Now, the reality is that ‘reality’ can SUCK- it all
depends on which reality you want to focus on.
When you meet a woman, it’s not a cool thing
that you just REINFORCE in her mind that
life can be cruel, boring, unfair, tough, painful,
sad, etc.
However, if YOU can bring more FUN, MORE
COURAGE, MORE PLEASURE, MORE HUMOR,
MORE ADVENTURE, into your OWN perspectives
of things, then you can SHARE this with women.
Some people might argue that this is just a FANTASY
rather than living in reality.
But reality is whatever you are EXPERIENCING,
and if you spend a lifetime laughing and loving
and having great adventures, is that less real
than a life where you allowed yourself to
be bored, tired, upset, depressed, etc?
Learn to make a woman FEEL cool emotions
by focusing on the cool side of things that YOU
see, and you will have her eating out of your hand.
Let me illustrate the power this way:
The movie AVATAR has adventure, has romance,
has exotic locations, forests, wilderness, excitement,
danger, and ultimately a happy ending that within
the movie all feels REAL.
This movie has made over 2 BILLION dollars.
Now, there is another movie, it’s more serious and
deals with grim REALITY, and it’s called The Hurt Locker.
It’s won tons of Academy Awards, including best picture.
But it hasn’t earned even 2% of what Avatar has.
Now, these movies are very different, it’s apples
and oranges, I’m not judging one over the other-
I’m just saying one thing:
If you want to get a chance with a woman, take her
to an emotional place that is AWESOME, not depressing
or disturbing.
This doesn’t mean you have to always
IGNORE reality, sometimes in the midst of the
most GRIM realities is the most inspiring and
AMAZING emotional moments we can have
in life, IF you know how to see it.
The point is though, to take a woman somewhere
INTOXICATINGLY EMOTIONALLY POSITIVE.
Take her there by focusing the conversation on
the awesome perspectives you have, whether they
be funny, intriguing, or that help inspire or become
more at peace, or that are sensual without being vulgar.
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